Hi guys! I find myself in a mood and feel the need to "take up my pen". It's been a rough couple of weeks, capped off by a rough evening. As any working mom knows, we are all exhausted from balancing work, home, kids, and hubby. This week it has taken a toll on me; more so than usual. By Friday I am generally emotionally and mentally spent from the constant juggling it takes to be success at work and home. This week it hit me on Monday.
My boss went out of town at the end of last week and we have had an easy few days at the office. We caught up on a few overdue projects and got ourselves more organized. We all love this time to regroup; but I was tired- and irritated. I wanted to be on vacation. I wanted to be spending time with my family. I found myself jealous- of being away from the office. Of all things I could envy- money, vacations, cars- I envied time with my kids. So I took off today (Fri) to spend with the kids and Nathan.
Two hours into the morning I wanted to be at work. My day did not go according to plan at all. Nathan decided he didn't want to do anything outside the house since he was tired and hadn't had a day off this week. He came home and went to sleep. Micah and Hannah waged a two person war on my sanity- and they won. The laundry overwhelmed me, the kitchen floor disgusted me, the carpet enraged me. Where is my nirvana?? Where is my haven?? I actually told Nathan I should have gone to the office; I would have done less work there. So now I find myself divided. The work at work is easier it seems than the work at home. But, when I am at work, the work at home is easier. How long does it take to find balance in the load? I am not unhappy with my life- it isn't what I planned but I've learned my plans count for little in this world- but I wish it were an easier walk. Maybe, eventually, I will figure it all out. I won't give up, though, in any way. I will continue to want to be home and want to be at work, juggle the kids and the files, serve my boss and my husband, and fight through this life until we find peace and balance. Or at least until I can find a way to keep the floor clean two days together, the laundry piles from growing into mini Everests, and a way to eat the leftovers BEFORE they mold.
This is my life, the cards I was dealt, and I am determined to take the house with this hand, even if I have to bluff my way to the end- and I've been told I'm good at bluffing! Night all! Keep spinning those plates and balancing on those balls. They tell me it's worth it in the end....let's just hope they aren't bluffing, too!
:) Bethany
P.S. Thanks for indulging my melancholy mood :)
So, It's been about five days since you posted this blog... life has moved on... a little. The things that were done are done, and the things that weren't aren't. So looking back to then, have you gained any new perspective? Or do you simply look forward and see it all happening about the same way again this week?
ReplyDeleteThe grass is always greener...I find myself having the same feelings.
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time:-)